I like your intro, as it is very strongly written. For me (my style differs from yours by a lot) I like to add in the character's physical appearance in trickles instead of listing off what he looks like. Lists bore people and I found myself trying to get through it. Try it implement the physical details into the story so the reader glances over it and picks up on it in unknowingly, but knows what kind of helmet he wears.Thanks for the help Rage. I will be sure to implement your tips in the future. ;D
"The sun of the Mojave heated his steel helmet to where it was hot to the touch."
Also, get more into the character's head and express his thoughts. Characters is what makes the story interesting, so feel free to write about what he is thinking, not just what is physically going on around him. That is one thing I notice in novice writer's material. Once you hurdle that, your character will become three-dimensional.
Interesting so far....
Interesting introduction. Though, I really hope this "Zachary" isn't a self-insert.He isn't. But he is like me in some ways. He is a Courier I made not too long ago.
I am happy to not see any ME characters in this Crossover. Crossing the enemies over though is a nice touch. I could read this.:/
:/Oh.I was planning on him joining Garrus' squad eventually...but i might change that entirely. Maybe have him start working as a courier for Aria or something.
Oh.Oh it didn't.Well don't let my opinion discourage you, its just what I thought from first reading what you posted. I will try to be a good sport and read it though.
As long as he's able to get some kinetic barriers quickly. I can't see him surviving at all without any.I do belive there are personal shield generators. He is the Courier, so scavenging tech is what he does best. Also, kinetic barriers can't stop a knife when he needs to be stealthy.
And some guns that aren't duct-taped and glued together.
I do belive there are personal shield generators. He is the Courier, so scavenging tech is what he does best. Also, kinetic barriers can't stop a knife when he needs to be stealthy.I wonder what the minimum velocity a Kinetic Barrier can Detect is.
I wonder what the minimum velocity a Kinetic Barrier can Detect is.I'm not exactly sure, but i think i remember reading something about it being too high to stop a knife. As a knife being thrust at you would have a velocity comparable to sitting down hard. Depending on the attacker's strength of course.
Query: Has this Courier been through the DLC quests?Yes and no. As I have not had the chance to play Lonesome Road yet, I have not decided about integrating that one. At the very least there will be some mention of the other three.
Yes and no. As I have not had the chance to play Lonesome Road yet, I have not decided about integrating that one. At the very least there will be some mention of the other three.I'd really try to play it. I thought that it was very good. Reveals more about the Courier's past.
I'd really try to play it. I thought that it was very good. Reveals more about the Courier's past.Oh I have it. It's just that my friend is borrowing my copy at the moment. I just need to go get it back.
I'm not exactly sure, but i think i remember reading something about it being too high to stop a knife. As a knife being thrust at you would have a velocity comparable to sitting down hard. Depending on the attacker's strength of course.I am just wondering if it would still stop...lets say a High caliber low velocity slug. Like a Magnum or something. SInce all guns in ME use Mass accelerators, and sizeably smaller projectiles, one would automatically assume that for these smaller projectiles to be capable of the same damage and more of the Weapons of today, that they would have a Significantly higher Velocity, even the "heavy" Pistols.
I am just wondering if it would still stop...lets say a High caliber low velocity slug. Like a Magnum or something. SInce all guns in ME use Mass accelerators, and sizeably smaller projectiles, one would automatically assume that for these smaller projectiles to be capable of the same damage and more of the Weapons of today, that they would have a Significantly higher Velocity, even the "heavy" Pistols.Good point, but even a "slow bullet" is much faster than most people can see. So, i'd guess that the barriers would still activate. Unless it's point-blank.
I am just wondering if it would still stop...lets say a High caliber low velocity slug. Like a Magnum or something. SInce all guns in ME use Mass accelerators, and sizeably smaller projectiles, one would automatically assume that for these smaller projectiles to be capable of the same damage and more of the Weapons of today, that they would have a Significantly higher Velocity, even the "heavy" Pistols.Bullets in ME are much faster indeed. Much, much faster.
Oh I have it. It's just that my friend is borrowing my copy at the moment. I just need to go get it back.Dang. Get it back. Nao! :P
Bullets in ME are much faster indeed. Much, much faster.But....Skyrim... :cry:
If barriers were able to stop knives and the like, they'd stop punches too, and we all know that doesn't happen.
Dang. Get it back. Nao! :P
But....Skyrim... :cry:Play it after Skyrim. :D